Adam Satinsky's Blog - Last comments

In response to: bintle

Without purpose, how can anyone know of he or she meaningful goals or meaningless goals. Purpose helps form our careers and values.

In response to: 1

I do not need to wait until someone translates my feelings in order to compare and contrast them with those around me, eventually collaborating with my brothers and sisters of humanity.

In response to: bing cherries

so much of what you are talking about sounds like viola talk. It's interesting. If you haven't, you might read "Playing the Viola", interviews with Primrose, he talks about similar bowhold stuff. You might also look up Garth Knox on youtube. John Graham would be another to watch. And probably many Tuttle students. They are all very malleable on the left side and the position is more an extension of the body than an absolute. The fluidity of posture and the steady motion of the body help to release any tension as it builds, and likely to do it in sync. with the music such that the motion enhances the line. It's not the same on the cello, but I believe the language you are using is theirs. It sounds like you've found a nice internal motion for the left side that will give you the balance you're looking for.

In response to: thumb thoughts

I tried scooting the thumb further under. It has nice possibilities, I think. It's helpful to explore as many directional options as possible with the limbs. Kind of like Tai Chi or Yoga for cello. I'm getting into looking for more natural movements which work with or without instrumental involvement.

In response to: thumb thoughts

for what it's worth: I find that if I start the left hand set-up, or frame, with the thumb in a more central spot opposite the 2nd finger, I can allow the thumb to move up and down the neck, as I play, helping support the fingers in need. A thumb position towards the nut, in which the thumb is opposite, or even behind, oof, the first finger seems to lend itself to tension- it's harder to move the thumb out of that spot and the thumb is more likely to lock into some gripping habit. I don't know how that would translate to the cello.

I had an exciting moment 2 years ago. I reverted to an early left hand set up. I now let the neck rest close to the base of my thumb, rather than trying to keep the tip in the proximity of the fingerboard, I just let that digit hang out all over the place. If I point him straight up, the entire top bone is above the fingerboard. What does this do for me? 1. It accumulates less tension and is more mobile and malleable. 2. It changes the angle at which my fingers approach the fingerboard, such that more flesh is coming down onto the strings. This makes for a fatter sound and has doubled my color palette, since I can still revert to the other hand position. 3. There is something about having the neck in the palm of my hand, so to speak. It allows my fingers to move more as a live unit, rather than as individuals, yet, there is also more independence- each finger has it's own voice, since they have different amounts of flesh. This mobility allows for a more horizontal and connected kind of phrasing and froggy fingered feeling which is unavailable when I set up the frame around the tip of the thumb. I don't think this would go over on the cello, but it strikes me that you might be interested.

In response to: thumb thoughts

I definitely agree with that approach. It just shows how ridiculously mental so much of this is. And how the hemispheres are so intertwined.

In response to: thumb thoughts

I find that it is easier to relax the left thumb by focusing on relaxing the right. I'm not sure the logistics are the same with the cello, but it might be something to mess around with. with which to mess around, if you prefer.

In response to: 4

I'm glad you like it.

In response to: 4

Your blog is really excellent. Thanks for sharing this information and hope to read more from you.

In response to: 5

It’s a great post Man, you really are a good writer! I’m so glad someone like you have the time, efforts and dedication writing, for this kind of article… Helpful, Useful, and Charitable.. Very nice post!

In response to: millview

I remember appreciatively the capitalization usage.

It took me a few passes to get the first paragraph. I like what you're driving at. The goal need not be eliminating the insanity and pain, but taking a more bird's-eye stance on it, such as from a meditative viewpoint. I wish I could meditate with any regularity. I was just noticing my obliviousness to the difference between the real world and a fantasy (the TV in this case). I glide seamlessly between the 2 states. Maybe that has advantages for a musician, but I think it's a huge barrier to living in the now. I have to know where and when I am. But as you mention, I may have good reason for shunning my truest feelings.

In response to: millview

what do you think: Is being at the center of the whirlwind and not trying to make it this or that or explain or any other monkey business 'being at peace', or is it merely another way of distracting one's self from feeling what it is that happens inside when you reach that point?

I realized recently that part of my resistance to meditating, lately, is that when i do simply follow my breath, the feelings that come up are not the most enjoyable. it makes me wonder what the rest of my day/energy is being spent avoiding. but, evidently not enough to want to sit and feel it. yet.

In response to: millview

Well put. And I know exactly what you refer to. That sudden release from the mental gymnastics. Another cause I've considered is that I've solved whatever it is I am wrapping my brain around; then I can linger in the in-between time where I'm not concerning myself with any puzzles.

Last night (at an embarrassing hour) I had a new take on this monkey-mind stuff. I am looking for a shortcut, something ingenious I am hoping, so as to avoid dealing with my emotional baggage. If I can come up with a good one-lined motto, I can then wash my hands of all my past pain and walk into the sunlight. It's a good fantasy. Too bad it has little application in the real world. I may blog about it soon.

In response to: millview

I think I've been pondering a similar line of thought.

Is there a point at the end of the distraction where you reach a place of peace through utter exhaustion? If you are distracting yourself in order to not deal with the here and now, do you get to a point where the here and now is so insistently in your face and it's so hard to maintain the denial, that you are suddenly here. present. in the moment?
or is it possibly that you are in a new place, a new state of distraction -- you think it's peace and being present, since you are no longer struggling or planning ahead or looking back, but in reality, you are staying focused on the now simply because it's too frightening to think about what comes next?

is distraction so much the 'normal' resting place of the mind, that it has managed to infiltrate the other place- the space of being present? is there always a new level of distractedness to let go?

In response to: martyr

and there is one more element.
When you are in a community, where the people live in a reactive state, where they thrive in an unhealthy environment, and you are the odd man out, you start to feel crazy for craving the things that make life wonderful: music, health, fresh air, joy.

If you are an ocean fish swimming about with other ocean fishies, in the ocean, in your space, you have one set of problems. If you are an ocean fish and you are placed in fresh water, with a bunch of fresh water fish who have no concept of where you're coming from, you have the first set of problems, as well as an even larger new set of problems. And your community thinks you're crazy, which shouldn't matter, but it does make a difference in the quality of life.

In response to: martyr

this is interesting- I read it a few days ago and came away with a different set of thoughts than those that come up today.

A few thoughts I'll share.
When I perform, on my own, in recital for instance, I am wholly in the moment. I am at peace. I am as I am only a vehicle for something, music, to reach across dimensions. It is hard to say without sounding a bit like religious mumblings, but it is a divine place to be. It is as if I am a priestess.
When I perform in concert with others, I am in the moment, interacting, blending my voice with others, the feeling may still be divine, but it's a concerted effort, so I don't feel like a sole channel. and the high after is different, too.
When I practice on my own, I am usually only in that moment. I am feeling in my body, in a moment in time, i'm not worrying about the rest of the stuff that is going on in my life. I don't feel the channeling part so much, since there is no one to offer to, but, the inner peace inside remains. Most days, some days there are too many stresses in the rest of the life that intrude for a really focused attention on the music.

My instrument, in my hands, completes a part of me. I find that I become less centered, and more reactive in the rest of my life, if I do not have my daily practice. It is akin to a meditation practice, I think. I think it, the music/instrument takes me to a spot inside where time DOES stop. where I do live in the moment, where I am myself truly, because I am in the moment.

the other train of thought goes something like this: for me, I have discovered that I am not able to be myself when I am thrust into a situation in which I must react, where i do not have the option of choosing my actions with consideration or thought, or where my decisions are being made when I'm off center. Being a free-lance musician, if the call comes half an hour before the downbeat, you put down anything you are doing and race to the car to make it in time. you have no control over who you play with, where you play, what you play, often no time to warm up. You don't know when you'll be called next, or when you'll next be paid, and there is an anxiety that at any given moment someone will be checking you out and deciding whether or not to give you work, so you must always be at your best. even when sight-reading strauss.
This sort of reactive life is not for me. I found myself losing my center, my ability to be in the moment with my instrument. I started to lose my joy.
I wonder if this is what you are talking about when you mention that instability and neediness may be reactions to society or pressures from outside yourself? perhaps it has to do with having a bit of control over your immediate environment?

In response to: barter

nicely put.
and it's fun to play with kids, too.

In response to: barter

I think adults and children need eachother. Adult structure and supervision enable children to let out their free spirits and explore their internal and external worlds fearlessly. Children remind adults that they once were naive and didn't need to understand why they felt the way they felt in order to be comfortable.

In response to: barter

I have been thinking a lot on these ideas about growing up.
I have been feeling that, as I get older, I am more overwhelmed and confused by my interactions with other people. I am not sure that what I yearn for is "childhood", but the more in tune with myself I get, the more centered, the more at peace inside- the more bizarre I find the "adults" I'm interacting with. It seems simple: if someone hurts me, I am angry, if someone makes me laugh, I hope to spend more time with them. We "adults" seem to jump through a lot of mental hurdles to justify the same positions we would have held when we were 5. Why do we need the justification?
I guess what I wonder is if the difference between adulthood and childhood is in the perceived need for the approval of society- in all of those lies and deceptions our minds travel, that you enjoy meandering and watching and pointing out to us.

Responsibilities? are you kidding? my life is SO free compared to when I was a child. I eat what I like, I live how I like. It's enough to be courteous and considerate of the people around me, I don't need to cower down in fear of being flogged because someone else had a bad day. My life is not dependent on someone else's whims/rages, and that is a huge weight of responsibility that I think most "adults" are happy to shed: being completely dependent.

Gratitude? I'm grateful, most definitely; grateful not to be living in fear, that is number one. But, I have to wonder if this idea that appreciating life more as an adult isn't one huge meandering deception that is supposed to counterbalance the loss of being allowed to be totally yourself, unabashedly, that you had when you were 5.
I remember standing at my bedroom window, watching the quality of the sun as it shone down through the leaves, watching the squirrels run and play on the roof, squinting my eyes to see how the light was caught and refracted on my lashes. I can't remember the last time I took the time, made the time, to just stand and appreciate something so completely- if I did, I was fighting the impulse to plan, that is for sure. I was 4 or 5 at that time I am remembering. I think most kids appreciate the finer things. They certainly seem to take notice of much of what we walk right by.

In response to: mmm

our son's named julian. thai or american are both unique names. almost defiantly labelling but then...