Judging from the last entry, it seems that jumping from quick fix to quick fix has been a failed system of living. But it's also no surprise that I would be trying it. When you need relief from life as badly as I sometimes do, you will attempt many far-from-center approaches. You will readily refuse to see any truths that may be comfortably sitting on a bench beside you, wondering when you will simply turn your head and see.

The Buddhist stuff is amazing because I keep finding it proven in my daily activities and experience; I have to work very little to convince myself of it's veracity. I also like a philosophy that has its roots in the truth of everyday life rather than seemingly arbitrary edicts and deities. Indeed, there's just enough of an unknowable, afterlife element to qualify it as a somewhat comforting religion instead of just a philosophy.

Is it possible that I actually grew up when I was about 17, and have been fighting it off and on ever since? Scary thought. Such deep levels of denial. And such a deep distrust of adulthood.

I wonder if good intonation for any single note is more dependent on the position and placement of all the non-playing fingers than on the playing one? Last week I surmised that the majority of the tension in the hand seems to come from the non-playing fingers, so this theory is an extrapolation from that.

I suppose the beauty of brainwashing/rationalizing is that the element of spontaneity doesn't come into play much. That seems to be the hard part about true, sincere life. You never know when it will pop out of the woodwork or when it might disappear.

I have heard, "Act as if." That may not seem sincere or organic, but at least it's up to you.